While that exact conspiracy is, as we say here in the South, “as useful as teats on a bull” – the feeling that one may not actually be human is not an unusual or irrational suspicion to have, if you are a true outcast like yours truly. After all, no one “getting” you is a persistent pain that might lead to cranking out an article that aims to shed light on this rare place in an effort to, hopefully, explain enough to where some people – those who choose to be genuine and have Positive values – will finally get a grip on that baton. Indeed, one thing you’ll notice about me and my endeavours is that turtles and tortoises are important symbols here. No cookie for guessing why.

This is also an excellent opportunity to spread some awareness of the realities of human mental health, since there’s a lot of misconceptions and both well-meaning/unwitting, but also some witting, hate and ignorance out there these days.

*ahem*

You can call me Leon. Leon Merritt. Also known as Mesynacious (Mesyn for short). I’m currently 30, and I’m from the best city in America, beautiful Fort Worth. I’m a minister, broadcaster, writer, gardener/horticulturalist, trader, civic consultant, amateur meteorologist, and I.T. guy. I am an urban soul who lives and loves to ride my bicycle. I love video and tabletop games alike. Buggies and quads are awesome. I thrive in warmth, humidity, and storminess (it’s just too bad “jungle boy” is already taken!). I have no time for the negativity that permeates the world today, which led to me rejecting all existing political alignments (they’re all BS) in favor of a “radical moderate” approach, and founding an Oasis I call the Stormy Grove Crew (a.k.a. Grove Nation, et al).

I’m also one heck of a “special” dude.

That’s “special” as in “special needs”.

When people meet new people, it’s by default that people expect “normal”. While “normal” is in reality nothing more than a setting on a washing machine, it generally refers to people whose modus operandi is along the lines of functioning “fully” in the field of human behavior, along the “typical” lines. Neurotypicality, in other words.

But some of us simply can’t do that – including me. Greetings, y’all – I’m indeed on the autism spectrum, have an intellectual disability, PTSD, and major depressive disorder. I’m also “different” looks-wise, thanks to childhood Bell’s palsy… and thanks to rejecting the absurdity that is today’s world in favor of a “cafeteria approach” where I harvest the best parts of each “area” and put that together into a “Goldilocks culture”, I simply do not “fit in” anywhere. Funny thing is, people will often agree with that sentiment, but then turn around and be immersed in it, from communist psyop TikTok to the Kardashians.

The autism part is what we’ll largely be going over in this here read, but don’t worry – we’ll cover everything.

Let’s start by getting “why PTSD” out of the way. When you’re different, you often get a lot of crap for it. I certainly have been no exception to that. I’ve faced constant, unending bullying, from bog-standard name-calling/put-downs to being beaten up… being stolen from to being raped multiple times. Me being excluded has simply been a fact of my life. I’ve had experience that would make most Westerners’ toes curl to even think/hear about… much less actually go through.

Then there’s the slowness part, which sorta-kinda ties into the autism. I’m, to use a proper term for today, “slow”. An “idiot savant”. This term meaning I have a few fields I’m skilled (or at least ‘okay’) at (remember the list earlier?)… but outside of that I just ain’t got it. I do have a lot to offer, and this don’t make me worth any less than others, but don’t expect more of me than I can rationally provide.

These are hard limits, y’all. I’m never going to “overcome” my handicaps. No such thing exists. Asking me to “mindset” or “manifest” my way “out of this” is like asking a paraplegic to “just make your legs work”. Just as the fact exists we are not islands and cannot succeed without an adequate backing of homies having our backs – in other words, thinking is not magical and won’t do anything on its own – the fact exists that neurodivergence is set in stone. Period.

This is the point where contrarian jerks feel a “need” to pipe in with, “but what about Special Olympians? What about that dude on Twitter with Down syndrome with the camera? What about… what about… what about…”

Yup. Just as the general populace has elite performers, so does the neurodivergent demographic. Expecting any given one of us to perform like that is like expecting Tom from Accounting to beat Usain Bolt. It’s not possible for most people. Hard limits.

Finally, thanks to that childhood Bell’s palsy, my body will always have an asymmetry to it. But just like the great point the “imperfect produce” movement takes in encouraging us to enjoy fruits and veggies that may not look “typically” beautiful, but nonethless taste just as awesome… I’m no less valuable and good-looking in my own way.

Words Have Meaning, Yo

The saying “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions” is one of the most true things throughout human history, and will continue to be. Just because something comes from “meaning well” doesn’t automatically make it a good thing. It’s prudent to make sure that if you’re presented with a reality that what you’re doing is not actually helping (and indeed, may be doing actual harm), it’s time to swallow your pride and let it go. Ain’t a thing’s wrong with admitting a mistake. It’s part of being a mature, civilized human being.

I understand that generally, the concept you should “treat people equally” is a good thing. Obviously it applies to race, ethnicity, and such like that. But in the case of being special-needs: no, “treating me no different than others” is not how to go about this. Unlike differences that are merely skin-deep, such as race, being special-needs means just that – the differences are in our literal way of our way of operating as people, which necessitates a different approach to how we are treated.

Like, it’s a nice theoretical concept to “treat everyone the same”, but in practice… no. Obviously it (most of the time) comes from wanting to be nice to and do right by people… but a better way to phrase that is “treating everyone with dignity”, since – well, would you have the same disposition to someone at a happy party as to someone who just lost a loved one?

By the way, I said “most of the time” because there do exist many “disability denialists” who hold a hateful attitude towards us borne of pretending that the distinctions don’t exist. Also, “everyone” has the asterisk (*) because people who deliberately choose evil don’t deserve to be given the time of day. The Good Book talks about the fundamentality of not casting one’s pearls before swine, of course.

A Cucumber Amongst Apples

I’m tryna finally rest assured in having real squad. A full fam. Something most people are so used to, they take for granted. Lacking such is something that some people cannot even fathom. I’m tryna ride together, too, like so many people simply do in life. But unlike those others… it’s never, ever gonna happen “organically” for me. It’s never gonna “just happen”; it’s gotta be made to happen. That’s “just” the facts…

…and frankly – real talk – that’s fine and indeed preferable. We’d be so much better off as a species if we MADE more happen, rather than just “going with the flow”. “Organic” is not only overrated, it’s trash. There’s a good reason why “organic” isn’t the main way we get our food – because trying to go about agriculture without using high technology feeds fewer people and, ironically for those who “go organic” for environmental reasons, is worse for the environment! There is literally no basis for the “idea” that “things just gotta happen”, except for human laziness. “Do”ers are what’s up, not “whatever”ers.

It’s truly hard in this here boat. Most people, especially in the Western world, have zero idea what true ostracism is like. What being truly alone and outcast is like. The number of people who think they have it rough when they are constantly hanging out with cousins and getting invited to “get-togethers” several times a week is staggering. This true loneliness is genuine torture.

I do not fit neatly into any existing subculture, and never will. I’ve been called “Oreo” a lot for a reason. I’m truly unique and fit in nowhere. I take the cafeteria approach – I love meteorology… and streetwear. I love bicycles… and live theatre/opera. I listen to Boyz II Men… and Good Charlotte. But, I can be treated as if I *do* fit in. I can marginally participate… and please humor me by at least pretending to be interested in what I’m about (& share your hobbies and interests with me! Homies take interest in what each other’s about). I’ve built my Oasis for a reason – riding with me means that, too. More on that at the end.

The good news is that, although I can’t do a thing alone (no one can)… with deliberate Positive Humanity, I can find myself no longer having to struggle. The key to getting out of struggle, and indeed finding Happiness overall, always lies in feeling and experiencing genuine brotherly/sisterly, family/family-style love in life. We are not classified as “social animals” for nothing.

Now don’t get it twisted – this is not me aiming for “pity”. In fact, don’t y’all dare pity me. This ain’t no Sally Struthers commercial. I don’t need guilt charity – I simply need to have the ways I can shine recognized, accepted, celebrated, and appreciated. I am proud of being a hard worker – it’s simply that my work is of a unique pedigree. Let me work hard for you, as you be there for me. That’s that WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) love in a nutshell. Everyone who’s worthy of the pearls should be able to feel like somebody, rather than nobody, and I’m no exception.

As I’ve said, however… a different approach is necessary. Let’s shed some light before we get to the station, eh? Before we go further, please read the following – these articles by others on what the autism part in particular is like:

• I’m autistic. I just turned 36 — the average age when people like me die. – Vox
  • Yes, indeed, the stress of dealing with not only the autism itself, but the stress of society’s treatment of such… add that up with all the other factors, and you get our terrible average lifespan. Remembering this article, along with general daily frustrations, inspired me to compose the humble article you’re reading right now, for the de-stressing of easy going-on-the-record.
• 6 Things Autistic Spectrum People Want You to Know – Psych2Go
  • Pertinent quote highlight: “When you see someone on the spectrum acting “normally” or “less autistic”, what you’re not seeing is the constant stress, hours of preparation beforehand, hours of burnout afterwards, endless overanalysis, years of trauma and development of major psychiatric and health problems.”There’s a good number of people – from right here in Fort Worth up to those on other continents – who have realized I’ve got a bit of a mouth on me when they give me pretty words about having understood & being accepting… then still expecting me to “act normally” & “just vibe” – rather than being direct & inclusive (more on this in the next section.

    Given the facts from Psych2Go plus this li’l piece of mine… anyone who faults me for simply being exhausted & ready to “flop down” & rest at long last is being more disingenuous than when Harry Daugherty was caught with his grimy hand in the cookie jar. Faulting me for being frustrated with missing out on basics in life most people take for granted is Grade AAA “Ignorant Privilege”.

• 10 Things 1 Autistic Person Wants You to Accept – Child Mind Institute
• What people with autism want you to know | CNN\
• 12 things autistic people want you to know

Now that that’s in the storage banks… let’s go over some fun-dough-mentals, shall we? Think of them like metaphorical “ramps” – like physical ones for wheelchairs, but these are for the head stuff.

Sump’n a Bit Different

While the manifestations of autism vary wildly, there are common threads. For example, like most in my demographic, I don’t pick up on social cues. My “theory of mind” – basically the ability that most sentient beings, obviously including humans, have to “read” what others are thinking from simple context alone – is next to nonexistent. I don’t pick up “vibes”. I have zero idea that you consider me your homie, or that you want to hang out, or whatever similar unless you directly show and/or tell me – and remind me regularly. The importance of directness also extends to ideas. If I don’t get your metaphors or “code”… it may be necessary to simply outright say it.

So… please do that. The existence of a bond is only ephemeral knowledge to me. I will forget and feel distant if not regularly reminded. It doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t!) be full-on heart-to-hearts several times a day, but a quick arm across the shoulder, or “you’re what’s up bro”… that goes a long, long way and makes me day on the regular.

Then there’s touch. Some autistic folks abhor being touched. Some are in-between. And others… they’re like me. Tactility is fundamental to me feeling like I’m really someone’s homie. It’s a hard reminder that this is real Think of any physical manifestation of brotherhood, and it’s going to be vitally important for and to for whom touch is vitally important. Hence why shoulder arms and hugs are so big for me… both in the physical realm and in the virtual (hanging out in a video game).

Am I welcome? Greet me like a real bro, like a real homie. I shouldn’t need to elaborate much on this, except for maybe one GIF.

I’m, quite frankly, a vulnerable person – do you have my back when people are mean/violent towards me? Ignorance and hostility towards the disabled are widespread, especially us mentally so. Be prepared and ready to have to stand up to whoever is being hateful towards me, whether it’s your brother, mother, cousin, neighbor, Mayor, Governor, or whoever the heck. This obviously also applies to general hostility.

Stimulation, stimulation, stimulation. In particular, too much of it. Manners are not just important to me because of matters of keeping it classy, but also because I have autistic “triggers” that overwhelm me and drive me batty, such as people talking with their mouths full, chewing into open microphones, excessive bass (think when it goes from “pleasant vibrations in the music” to “the car is rattling and you’re doing that because you think being a nasty jerk is what makes you a man”), and music heard through microphones. It affects me on a straight-up visceral level. Remember the “stims” from a couple of the linked articles above.

On a sorta-related side note, I can also do without “flex” culture… unless, of course, the “flexer” is enough of a real man/woman to be sharing – something they’re happy to do if they’re getting their self-esteem from a Positive place (pro-Humanity, defending the weak, champion of community) rather than a negative one (reveling in the fact there’s others without). Putting down innocent others ain’t it.

For reasons that are now obvious, part of my struggle is that I’ve got basically zip in life, and prob won’t be anywhere close to “loaded”, ever. But plenty of broke folk still got happy lives, and if my homies are down to pretend I’ve got “baller status”, too, just like them… I’m gonna nonetheless feel like a billionaire. It’s about the feeling more than anything. In any bond, gas (in the metaphorical sense) is vital… here is no exception. I’ll bring some for you… and you bring some for me.

Often, in a given community, it’s easy for me to “fall through the cracks” when it comes to me trying to hang out. Obviously, squads don’t always hang out in one big unit. I’m very open minded (within reason) with what I’m down for. Coordinate, like y’all do all the time anyway – except this time, it’s making sure a valued part of the group is not forgotten. Please don’t talk/hang *around* me… rather, do it *with* me. Friendly teasing and horseplay is fine and welcome, and makes a bond feel that much more genuine. Involve me in the commerce of the group. I’m down with getting my hands dirty – including literally, in the case of gardening. (Do ya want a herb mix that’ll make your kitchen pop?!)

Despite stereotypes, I personally am by no means an introvert. The only time I want to be alone is when I’m answering Nature’s call. Otherwise, I’m trying to be connected and hanging, either virtually, in the physical realm, or both. I love (and need) to be around others – so long as they’re true brothers and sisters, in Positivity. Even as I work, I ain’t trying to be alone in that aspect, either. As has been made crystal, Humanity’s the key, and I’ve got a lot to offer back.

Some friends get concerned they are being a “bother” if they are too talkative. One word: horsepuckey. Please, please “bother” me. Blow my inbox sky high with funny memes, Positive thoughts, invites, and so on. That’s gas for life itself, right there! Even with this said, some still suspect they’re annoying me – but remember, I ain’t like most!

I am proud to be a chill, paced person. It’s common these days for people to be absurdly busy, like bees in a hive… but if you’re true to a good Culture, you’re taking things slowly and thoroughly in life. Haste makes waste, after all.

All this said, though… don’t mistake me for a doormat. I make sure my pearls are cast wisely, and if someone’s willing to spit ‘n’ step on me to get ahead, expect me to return the favor. I’m done having my goodness taken advantage of, and anyone who tries earns a thorn for life. But for my real buds, do me the honor of letting me put in work for you, and hopefully I can count on you to be there for me, as well.

Oh, and by the way: friendship/brotherhood never, ever counts for less “just” because it’s over the internet rather than manifesting in the physical realm (yet). If you think like that, find a nice, comfy saguaro outside of Tucson to sit on… in July.

The bottom line is: yes, we – as in the special-needs, of so many stripes – are different. We can’t be “normal”. But we nonetheless have so much to offer – so long as you’ve got an open mind, bringing your heart, your class, and your patience. We all need these bonds, this “squad”, this community to thrive. I’ve done nothing to deserve being left out of that.

Heck, humans have messed up so much that in most of the Western world/”Global North” – obviously including the United States – there’s in reality no such thing as “community” or “culture” in the present day, despite those words being used (read: “abused”) so much these days. What people think is “community” is almost always simply a clique with walls up around it – one that’s not open & welcoming like a true community is. If you’re wondering if a given group is true community or simply a closed “clique”… ask the question, “does the ‘crew’ actively check in on new faces, especially those who look lonely, & make sure to include?”

If yes… community. If not… clique (& needs improvement).

But alas… that’s a topic to elaborate on in the future.

Romans 15 & Matthew 25 are morals that, no matter your religion, are basic aspects of being decent humans. When I, or any other outcast/person in need of Human warmth shows up… simply be there. I’m more than ready to be there for you, after all.

Let’s do the darn thing.

Let’s ride.
=+=+=+=
The Hub of my effort to build an Oasis where it’s all about realness, warmth, class, swagger, and Humanity – a safe spot I know it’s all family – is where to chill if you’re 100 enough to, indeed, wanna ride. Let’s build each other up & do great things together, above the mess. It’s not just for us outcasts, but for non-outcasts on their real mature level. 🙂

Discord’s the best place to start. Hang out, get to know the place, follow all the things, engage via Discord, Telegram, and RetroShare… & follow the broadcast outlets. Did you know we have a streaming and podcast show, do weather coverage, & more?

Website: https://sgc.fyi
Discord (personal): Mesynacious#7718 (now @mesyn, with Discord’s change in username format)
Discord (server invite): https://discord.gg/p2mgNsw
Telegram: https://t.me/grovenation
Twitter (personal): https://twitter.com/mesynsupreme
Twitter (org): https://twitter.com/nexushep
IG (personal): https://instagram.com/mesynacious
IG (org): https://instagram.com/nexusheptrill
Email: mesynacious@gmail.com / stormygrove@gmail.com
Facebook (personal): https://facebook.com/bodacity
Facebook (page): https://www.facebook.com/nexhep
Facebook (page – weather): https://www.facebook.com/nexhepwx
Twitch: https://twitch.tv/nexhep
Rumble: https://rumble.com/c/c-728157
DLive: https://dlive.tv/grovenet
Odysee: https://odysee.com/@grovenet:5
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Heptad
Trovo: https://trovo.live/bodacious
Spotify: Three Lives to Live | Podcast on Spotify
AllMyLinks: https://allmylinks.com/grove
Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/nexhep

—
Image sources:

• Gecko: CC-BY-SA. Creator: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jurriaan_Schulman on Wikipedia/Wikimedia Commons. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Phelsuma_l._laticauda.jpg
• the photo of me is obvious
• xi jinping: File:Xi Jinping 2019 (cropped version).jpg – Wikimedia Commons
• snow: public domain. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:D%C3%BCsseldorf_Hofgarten_2009.jpg
• Office/accountant: person writing on white notebook (unsplash.com)
• pig: pig lies on ground photo – Free Animal Image on Unsplash
• organic veggies: Sarah Stierch (CC BY 4.0). File:Sign at the Sonoma Farmers market – Stierch.jpg – Wikimedia Commons.
• wwjd bracelet: File:WWJD-bracelet.jpg – Wikimedia Commons
• homies bro hugging: Two Men Standing Beside Each Other · Free Stock Photo (pexels.com)
• homies bro hugging gif: fair use, from Ex on the Beach (MTV)
• herbs: top view photo of green leafed plants in pots photo – Free Bio Image on Unsplash
• doormat: brown leather shoes on floor photo – Free Port elizabeth Image on Unsplash